You 'Kin Do It ...

This morning I was a few minutes early, had passed my manager on the highway, and the cup of coffee I brewed at home was cold and unsatisfactory, so I decided that I would treat myself and go to Dunkins to grab a cup of hot coffee. Like the rest of America, I, too, run on Dunkin and knew I’d need a little of that “‘Kin Do” attitude that is complimentary with each cup of their coffee to get through the day.

Now, the Dunkins near my office is not exactly the best, their staff must not be coffee drinkers because I find that they can sometimes lack that “ ‘Kin Do” attitude, but the coffee is hot, they can follow directions, and the coffee doesn’t taste like cigarettes (you know what I mean, when you’re really looking forward to a hot cup of coffee and it’s burnt. Gross.). So, I head into the local Dunkins, the line is only four people deep, but with two registers that shouldn’t take more than a minute and a half, max. I decide to commit… They’ve already cleared through the two patrons that were at the counter when I walked in and now the line is moving nicely. That’s when I spotted it…

A specimen only indigenous to the North Shore of Boston: the Cougar Masshole and her cub. I knew it as soon as I heard her thick accent obnoxiously cooing to her cub combined with the uniform of faux Juicy velour tucked into her folded over Ugg boots. Now, the coug is not the focal point this post, but rather her young cub all bundled up, anxiously awaiting the treat disguised as breakfast that he was about to be bestowed: a donut. You could see by his little dance in line that he was thrilled at the prospect of having a donut for breakfast. Now the fun was about to begin… I’ve seen it hundreds of times before. Cougar and cub get to the front of the line, she orders her coffee and a chocolate milk for the cub (what a decadent morning he was having), and then asks cub, “what kind of donut would you like?” Lady, the kid is 4 years old! He is beyond excited to have a donut, why would you put his little brain into overdrive like this?! That’s just cruel. First, he wanted jelly, then glazed, then chocolate, and so the process went on. Obviously, he couldn’t decide that the donut he had just asked for wasn’t what he wanted until the attendant picked it up, and nearly had it in the bag. This went on for quite some time, with Cougar chirping in his ear how about this kind? What about a bagel? Oh, honey, I don’t think you’ll like that one… And on it went. Of course the man at the other register was ordering 57 coffees for him and every other construction worker in the greater Boston-metro area. So there I stood, patiently waiting for my caffeinated goodness, for what felt like an hour, while cougar and cub went back and forth on what kind of donut to have. Obviously, she couldn’t have asked him in line what he wanted, nor could she just order him a chocolate frosted donut with jimmies – a favorite among young cubs everywhere. As I waited, it seemed as though the lack of caffeine and a severe case of the Mondays swept over everyone in the place… this cougar had worn our patience thin. She was beginning to notice, but didn’t care, in true North Shore Cougar fashion. Needless to say, what was scheduled to be a two-minute venture turned into a 10-minute ordeal. I’m sure K is hoping it’s the nudge I needed to kick my caffeine habit, but I think instead it was the comic relief and caffeine buzz that are getting me through the day. Oh, and a new episode of Gossip Girl helps, too.

-C