Why did the Eagles lose? They failed to follow Bill Simmons' advice. How do you not go with the vaunted Ka-druple team to guard Larry Fitzgerald. What is the Ka-druple team? I'm assuming it's similar to a four on one defensive scheme, but better and pronounced with a thick accent. This four-headed monster of DBs probably would've shut down those three touchdowns, epic Jerry-Rice-record-breaking-playoff-performance and taken one the other way for six. You can hear about it in The BS Report with Aaron Schatz, Cousin Sal and Mike Lombardi about the conference championships starting at the 7:26 mark. I have read and listened to probably 98% of everything Simmons has written or recorded for ESPN.com since 2000 and found one minor pronunciation error, ha, amateur.
PS - Bill if you happen to have a vanity Google Alert, let's talk. It's just me and you here. No one reads this thing ... yet. What happened to the long form Simmons article? I know you moved to LA and you have kids and stuff now. But, what happened to the 72 greatest sports movies? What happened to Curious Guy? Do you remember when Kimmel made fun of you, questioning whether the length of one of your articles would be shorter than the Bible? Where's an essay on why LeBron is going to win the title this year? For football, all I get is a picks column and a shorter article on Tuesdays. I know your banging out podcasts, which are great, but give me a good old 5000 word Simmons rant about something. I think the best thing for you to do is to fake your back going out, bang through a bunch of NBA games, movies you've seen for the 78th time, and horrible television shows. You would be more overwhelmed with ideas than Eli was by the wind. This might do some damage to your marriage and/or your relationship with your kids, but priorities, Bill. What? Do you want me to do work at work? Nobody wants that.
-K
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Just don't swear or say anything racist so I can still read this at work.