Open Letter to Brett Michaels

Dear Brett Michaels,

I get that you're looking for love... I mean at the end of the day, aren't we all? I mean and it's not like you need to recruit the Millionaire Matchmaker because you know exactly what you want in a woman: easy, hot (by your loose definition of such, which can easily be eclisped if the first requirement is met), bat-shit crazy, and carrying serious emotional baggage, preferably "Daddy Issues." That is why on Rock of Love, Rock of Love II, and Rock of Love Bus the exceptional casting agents at VH1 have found you a bevy of ex-strippers, former porn "stars," white trash, groupies, gold-diggers, and a few minorities for good measure, all for your choosing. I mean I'm sure looking for love and just living on the road is tough... that's probably why you opt for that lovely white-girl weave, a la Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta, you've been rocking for the last decade. I'm sure all the different water is murder on your real hair. So, why not make it easier on yourself and make sure that your potential mates are all your "type?!" It just makes sense... If I were in your shoes, I'd do the same thing - it eliminates all the initial hard work of finding "the one."

But, Brett, what I want to know, is do you ever think to yourself "enough is enough?!" I mean yeah, these girls are DTF, but don't you want a woman you can take home to meet your mom? Or your kids? Or that wears something more than lingerie in to the grocery store? Brett, I love your show and I think that you and all of the ladies carefully selected to join the Rock of Love cast deserve to find love, but I am beginning to think that you're just carrying on this charade so you can sleep with girls that were born in the early years of your Poison career. I mean as dictated by the Wrestler, pretty much the last thing you want to be (aside from a has-been wrestler) is a has-been stripper, so I'm assuming that's probably the last thing you'd want to sleep with, too. And as your groupie base ages, I get that you want to still feel young. But, I am beginning to think that you're not looking for LOVE! I am getting the impression that you're just looking to sleep with girls and not develop the emotinal relationship required to actually be in "love." Please reassure me next week that this isn't the case - that you are really looking for love. And if you're not looking for love, please consider this: maybe enough is enough. Even Flavor Flav knows when to fold 'em...

Thanks,

C

PS. Don't you think it's a little hypocritical for you to criticize Beverly for making out with one of your band members when you're making out with everyone there?! Just my two cents...