Barack Obama Turns Water Into Wine

Barack Obama is our new President. Our image in the world is restored. Bring on the crippling fiscal policy. I fake interviewed President Obama today during his inauguration:

K: President Obama, you seem like a good guy with a nice family and all. I think you would make a great neighbor and improve the United States' image abroad, but I have some questions.

P.O.: Well, you seem like a fine young man yourself, shoot.

K: I wanted to ask you about entitlements. Medicare currently covers only the elderly and disabled and by most estimates will start spending money like a Black Jack player who is going for the Jugular at the $100 table. What is your plan to address, as many have put it, this "fiscal timebomb?"

P.O.: Expand it, so it covers everybody.

K: Riiiiight. Isn't that kind of counter-intuitive? Won't you just be hemorrhaging cash even faster that way?

P.O.: Oh, don't worry, we are going to involve the private insurance companies too, but we're going to tell them what to do.

K: OK. Next question. Some people want Bernie Madoff imprisoned in Abu Ghraib for the massive Ponzi scheme he used to defraud investors of $50 billion dollars. Doesn't Social Security use the same scheme, only with over $2 trillion dollars? What is your plan for this?

P.O.: Um, we're just going to leave it as is.

K: Really?

P.O.: No, come on, we'll tax the rich some more, they can afford it.

K: Don't the top 10% of taxpayers already pay 2/3s of the total taxes, what about the Laffer curve effect ... sorry, I'm rambling. I'll try to stay on point.

P.O.: Change.

K: Huh? OK, lastly, we are in a recession and you plan to use the budget as America's Black Card, running up a 1.2 trillion dollar deficit in your first go around. Won't that exacerbate the situation for next generation; having to pay all of this debt off while still propping up insolvent government programs like we are an overly compassionate, enabler mother on Intervention?

P.O.: Listen, Americans aren't spending enough, so I'm going to leverage up and buy into a ton of stuff that might or might not work. Is this your first rodeo?

K: Like Lehman, BOA, Merrill, Goldman, Citi, AIG, Banco Santander, Morgan Stanley...

P.O.: Hey, half of those guys are still around I think.

K: OK, so your plan is to take a massive single payer system, that spends money about as efficiently as Vince from Entourage, expand so it covers everybody, leave a gigantic Pyramid scheme ongoing so it screws young workers like it's a Cutco knife sales pitch, spend about 150% of the nation's income annually all while not causing inflation in a recession? Is this possible? Can we do this?

P.O.: Yes, yes we can.

K: President Obama, you've been a delight. Good luck with your administration. Our interview is over, but seriously, I'm in my twenties, when I retire, will I see a Social Security check or Medicare as a viable entity?

P.O.: Doubtful, but there is always Hope.