ESPN 300

Back in January, I used BatchGeo to map the ESPN 300 recruiting class for college football.  Unsurprisingly, it is fairly southern dominated, with some hot spots around the country.  The bluer, the higher the ranking.

ATL shawty:

Dallas/Fort Worth/Friday Night Lights:

LA!?:

Gator/Seminole/The U country:

-K

North Korea

Are we so desperate as a country to fight a "real" army that we need to concern ourselves with some chubby kid waving his dad's gun around?  Yes, they have nukes, but there are no possible outcomes in which North Korea wins a war using military might or culture bombs.  Bombers can tactically strike that Asian peninsula from a plane that goes wheels up in Missouri.  In a closed military society, provocation is the lifeblood.  All Kim Jong Un is doing is undertaking a bellicose PR campaign.  By getting in a dick-measuring contest with South Korea aka the United States, it proves itself a world player while providing distraction to its own starved people not locked up in a gulag.  As a nation, we should be too adult for this.  Iran is doing basically the same thing, but when we see an actual nation-state with tanks and uniforms we lurch at it.  It is partly our nature, but it also seems like the dormant part of our fighting spirit that wants to take on a classic enemy we can recognize and defeat after a decade of taking on ethereal religious guerrillas.  Where's the "fun" in developing the best tank on the planet and not being able to use it?

I would not concern myself with a nation that cannot feed its own people.  The burn rate of liberties usually consumes whatever is fueling the iron fist within a century or two.  Here's how much better American-style capitalism is than North Korean-style communism; our poor people are fat.  If you look at that through the long lens of history that is simply amazing.  Other countries made it to space and invented mankind-altering things, but we - we have a lower class with an obesity problem.  That's how good we got it.

Kim Jong Un is in a tough spot. Should he graze the DMZ with a bullet, an Old Testament level raining of hellfire will come down upon him.  Should he open his society, a wave of heart disease awaits him in the form of food scientifically engineered to maximize your bliss.  So, to paraphrase the Mexican drug cartel offer, do you want the lead or the cheeseburger?

-K

A Ridiculous Hypothetical Cross-Atlantic Conversation

Europeans and Canadians have a snooty air when it comes to measurement standards.  (Maybe, I don't know, just go with it.)  They tout the superiority of the metric system to the standard system used in America and they are right.  Metric is based on 10, a foot is 12 inches.  A kilometer is 1,000 meters, just like the name implies.  Most Americans probably don't know there are 5,280 feet in a mile.  Even Celsius is makes more sense.  Water freezes at 0 and boils at 100.  Thirty two and 220 for Fahrenheit.  But, my response would involve frame of reference.  Yeah, metric is superior, but if you tell an American it's 38 degrees outside they will put some gloves on.  If you say you something is 17 kilometers away, well, you'll just be met with a blank stare.  We grew up with the standard system; we think in terms of that framework.  Say, for instance, a third person were to join this ludicrous straw-man conversation.  In his land, they've worked out a system where there are 100 minute hours. If he told you it was 8:72, you would probably call him an asshole even though it's systematically a better system than base 60.  You can recognize the supremacy of it without knowing what the hell it means alright!

-K

How to Draw a Husky

Northeastern University has a terrible logo.  To understand the state of this latest atrocity, we must look at its genealogy.  How have we gone from the home of Reggie Lewis, NCAA tournament bids and Beanpot glory to a list-obsessed university trying to hack away any visages of its co-op uniqueness to become a standard university Barbie doll?  It's clearly the logos.

A deeper thinker studying Art History (i.e, future apartment realtor) might say the present logo, in place the last few years, represents NU's self-flagellation from trying to become just another generic 4-year college. Amid rumors of dropping its co-op program and ultimately offering a 4-year option for students, NU hurt itself and tried negating its primary identity, the co-op program.  The red eyes representing the deal with the devil President Freeland made with that tempting mistress, U.S. News and World Report, to get into the Top 100. 

But, I know what you are thinking.  The person that gave that poor vampire dog a bowl of magma and melted his snout should be hanged.  But, nay, this was drawn of purpose!  They even put it on the hockey jerseys.  Imagine trying to instill fear into your opponent while wearing a maimed canine on your sweater.  The hockey players must never cease getting crap for this. I would never stop taunting an NU player if I played for BU. "Hey, nice cleft-lipped demon dog, clown."  This is probably why we never win a 4-team tournament.  (You have to win 2 games in a row and you WIN the tournament!  Haven't done it since '88.)  Imagine for a second NU won the men's basketball tournament of the league we are the most northern member by far of, the CAA.  NU is in the NCAA tournament and CBS does a 3D spinning image of that monstrosity while Jim Nantz downplays the graphic showing NU getting out-rebounded 34-8 by number one seed UNC.  Even South Dakota State's looked good on TV and they are 500 miles from any metropolis.



This primary logo, rolled out in 2004, represented a small heyday for NU.  It's actually isn't that bad; representing the resurgence of the basketball team led by Puerto-Rican parade getting, Miss Universe dating, NBA Champion, Jose Juan Barea.  We were flying high, invited to the NIT and almost beat Uconn.  The wordmark logo looks professional and has the Boston skyline on it.  It's a solid update on the previous triangle logo.  However, how would the husky eat without a lower jaw especially with its new set of human teeth?  What the previous logo did get right was a set of real canine teeth.  If you are going to show a dog growling, at least make it look like it can bite you not grind plant matter down like a Brontosaurus.  Both of those logos are a mouthful to put on a jersey or a hat though.  So, they were reserved for letterhead and official websites while a more ubiquitous image was displayed.

The logo when I was in college and still in place some places, the red and black "N".  Oooh.  It reflects simplicity and the bold stance the university takes in the middle of an urban landscape.  The two distinct colors represent the dichotomy of the modern student-athlete or the two sides of the student and the co-op...all of which is probably the same crap whoever pitched it came up with.  Points for simplicity, but one is the actual logo, one is something I made on Microsoft Paint in 90 seconds.  It is especially not impressive when put on athletic conference websites next to other logos that were created by real graphical artists not some stoned Mass Art student who laughingly took $100 from Northeastern to create the SYMBOL OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSITY.  The logo screams "I have nothing to say.  I will get my degree, try to get a good job and move on with my life having no attachment to my alma mater."  I guess it was a simpler time before Mr. and Mrs. Husky gave birth to Paws.

We end with the graphical representation of NU from 1987-1998.  A proud husky mounting Nebraska's logo and dominating it into submission.  But again, human teeth.  Eh, our best try.  A throwback to being a commuter school with Jim Calhoun as the basketball coach, NU's own Reggie Lewis playing for the Boston Celtics, Beanpot victories and the YMCA serving as "on-campus" housing.  The birth of our best cheer - chanting "safety school" to Harvard - perhaps? 

Alas, we have gone from Proud Husky to Melted Snout, just as Northeastern has gone through it's disjointed growth with some misfires yet more successes.  It's too bad our logo doesn't reflect that.  But, I don't want to be one of those people who complains without having solutions.  A better image of my alma mater is out there.  It is used by an university that has N and U in its acronym, its colors are red and black, AND they are the huskies.  Ladies and gentlemen presenting Northern Illinois Northeastern University's new logo:

Go NU!

-K

Greek Debt 20x

For all of you degenerate gamblers who thought "I wish I had a better grasp of the Greek debt situation", I thought of an analogy for you.
There is a guy who owes a lot money to a bunch of different bookies. We’ll call him, Mike the Mush (Greece). He owes about 10 Gs to a heavy hitter (European Central Bank) and another 10 Gs spread around to another 20 or 30 smaller time guys (private bond holders). The heavy hitter knows they are going to get screwed unless they keep letting Mike gamble, but he has no money. So, his plan is to tell Mike he can call in some more 100 timers if he tells the rest of the small time guys he’ll pay them half of what he owes at half the vig. Unsurprisingly, the small time guys have collectively responded “Go F yourself.” 

The ECB needs a Sharon Stone from Casino type to keep Greece alive and gambling before the chips on the blackjack tables are worthless.  It is unclear whether Angela Merkel is a capo or underboss in this scenario.

Lock of the week:
Teaser (Giants money line and private bond holders getting 500 basis points)

-K

Xbox Live

Modern Warfare 3 came out and, for me, that means delving into the contemporary perma-adolescent psychological milieu your average young adult male exists in especially when it comes to video games, oh and smoking noobs.  This mind-state can be no better experienced than on XBOX Live and its PS3 equivalent.  Imagine a world where boys ruled, only might is not measured by muscle density, but by digital kill count, all with the sweet freedom of anonymity.  I've learned a few things about the male psyche in between trying to avoid throwing my controller through the TV.  We are marginally evolved.  We will fight any feeling of insecurity with racism, homophobia, and comments about one's mother.  And, a 12 year old can make you blind with rage.  At least Lord of the Flies had a semblance of order before devolving into a near-cannibalistic state of primal humanity.  In online gaming, the boys would've shoved the conch shell up Piggy's ass and kicked him off the cliff. 

If the online world of video games were viewed as it's own society, an outsider might make these following observations.  They LOVE weed.  There are thinly-veiled references to it in the games they play and blatant references to it in the names they use.  Any female voice shall not be met with a "hello," but an "are you hot?"  If the answer to the latter question is no, they have no use for her...unless she's better than them.  Accents are ALWAYS funny especially the Brits.  If a person's cadence is different from their own, it's hilarious and eminently mockable.  Do not expect them to recognize the distinct advantage of virtual invisibility when saying racist, odd, and pompous things.  Apparently the mass of them, especially the ones with Southern accents, have some distinct views on race relations, homosexuals, and immigration in America.  The commentary on alternative lifestyles seems to be at odds with the fact that there is a supermajority of gay people online.  It's either that or everyone just calls everyone else a fag.

I will, however, continue to immerse myself in this world of stunted maturity much to the chagrin of my fiance because it's fun.  But, wow, it just adds to the degradation of my faith in humanity.  Play on future backbone of society!

-K

Rin Tin Tin

I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that a biography of a dog is number 12 on the New York Times Bestseller List.  It's. A. Dog. How did his sign his life rights contract with a paw print?  I have not read this book, it could very well be Pulitzer material filled with elegantly scripted prose on the human experience written in iambic pentameter.  But, IT'S ABOUT A DOG.  How can there be any internal monologue other than "Is this food?" or "What was that noise?"  How can there be internal monologue, IT'S A DOG! AAHH. 

This is wrong on two levels; why America is finished and how crazy dog owners are.  Enough learned folk have eschewed the infinitely more compelling tales of a human's life to read about a German Shepard that was on TV.  I am going to guess many of these people are Dog People.  Dog People are the ones who hesitate when asked this question: Your home is on fire, you can save a human stranger or your dog, who do you take?  Actually most of them wouldn't hesitate to say "my dog."  I mean some people spend tens of thousands giving dogs cancer treatments!  This is why there is no more dog track in Mass. and why America is finished in general.

From Amazon: "So begins Susan Orlean’s sweeping, powerfully moving account of Rin Tin Tin’s journey from orphaned puppy to movie star and international icon"

Indeed.

-K