Lost

Lost is back tonight. I don't know what I can say about this show. It's richly layered and researched storytelling are only matched by it's sheer absurdity at times. It's commitment to character development can be both meritable and infuriating. (Wait, so you just spent an entire episode telling me how Hurley's dad sucked, when last week you revealed that one dude can see the future !?!?) This show has given me more WTF moments than I can remember, but somehow I keep coming back. I haven't given up on it like 24. (Seriously guys, I cannot get a cell signal on the T, but you can make unlimited phone calls from an underground concrete bunker?) It's like that girl who is hot, but crazy. She may have a smoking bod and a pretty face, but she might murder you in your sleep too. I didn't get into the show until the third season, borrowed the first, watched it in three days, and downloaded the second off of Itunes. I've also sworn it off, said I hate it, and mocked it outlandishness. I can't tell if this is romance or Battered Woman Syndrome.

In just the previous season, the complexity has gone up exponentially. If you watch Lost, try to sum up the entire show to a friend in under a half hour; impossible. Even so, me, Johnny Walker, and a island with paternal ghosts?, a mechanical smoke monster, people who can time travel, a four-toed statue (yeah, remember), a pit of massacred scientists, a slave ship with dynamite in it, a drug-running plane, and an apparently endless supply of electromagnetic power and food for Hurley to eat have a date tonight.

Update: See, Hurley tried to explain to his mom what happened this whole time in under two minutes and ended up looking like a crazy person; impossible.

-K

C, you better put up a reality show review or something soon because I am dominating right now.

Barack Obama Turns Water Into Wine

Barack Obama is our new President. Our image in the world is restored. Bring on the crippling fiscal policy. I fake interviewed President Obama today during his inauguration:

K: President Obama, you seem like a good guy with a nice family and all. I think you would make a great neighbor and improve the United States' image abroad, but I have some questions.

P.O.: Well, you seem like a fine young man yourself, shoot.

K: I wanted to ask you about entitlements. Medicare currently covers only the elderly and disabled and by most estimates will start spending money like a Black Jack player who is going for the Jugular at the $100 table. What is your plan to address, as many have put it, this "fiscal timebomb?"

P.O.: Expand it, so it covers everybody.

K: Riiiiight. Isn't that kind of counter-intuitive? Won't you just be hemorrhaging cash even faster that way?

P.O.: Oh, don't worry, we are going to involve the private insurance companies too, but we're going to tell them what to do.

K: OK. Next question. Some people want Bernie Madoff imprisoned in Abu Ghraib for the massive Ponzi scheme he used to defraud investors of $50 billion dollars. Doesn't Social Security use the same scheme, only with over $2 trillion dollars? What is your plan for this?

P.O.: Um, we're just going to leave it as is.

K: Really?

P.O.: No, come on, we'll tax the rich some more, they can afford it.

K: Don't the top 10% of taxpayers already pay 2/3s of the total taxes, what about the Laffer curve effect ... sorry, I'm rambling. I'll try to stay on point.

P.O.: Change.

K: Huh? OK, lastly, we are in a recession and you plan to use the budget as America's Black Card, running up a 1.2 trillion dollar deficit in your first go around. Won't that exacerbate the situation for next generation; having to pay all of this debt off while still propping up insolvent government programs like we are an overly compassionate, enabler mother on Intervention?

P.O.: Listen, Americans aren't spending enough, so I'm going to leverage up and buy into a ton of stuff that might or might not work. Is this your first rodeo?

K: Like Lehman, BOA, Merrill, Goldman, Citi, AIG, Banco Santander, Morgan Stanley...

P.O.: Hey, half of those guys are still around I think.

K: OK, so your plan is to take a massive single payer system, that spends money about as efficiently as Vince from Entourage, expand so it covers everybody, leave a gigantic Pyramid scheme ongoing so it screws young workers like it's a Cutco knife sales pitch, spend about 150% of the nation's income annually all while not causing inflation in a recession? Is this possible? Can we do this?

P.O.: Yes, yes we can.

K: President Obama, you've been a delight. Good luck with your administration. Our interview is over, but seriously, I'm in my twenties, when I retire, will I see a Social Security check or Medicare as a viable entity?

P.O.: Doubtful, but there is always Hope.

Me, In a Nutshell

So, K has done a nice job of kicking this blog off since I was rocking the big H.O. (as in hangover, not whore) yesterday. Anyway, I thought it would be best to share a little bit about myself so that you (assuming that someone aside from K & I read this) can understand me, thus ultimately allowing you to understand my point of view. Also, aside from alluding to my affinity for trashy reality television, I'm not sure K has done me justice. Here's me, in a nutshell:

1.) I LOVE lists, top 10 lists, the ten commandments, grocery lists, any list televised on E!; so I thought it would be befitting that I do this in list format. Please note: I DESPISE to-do lists - I find them to be overwhelming and stressful.

2.) I am an extremist... I strive for a happy medium, but struggle to find the balance.

3.) My inner creative genius is being suppressed as I waste my youth in a cubicle. I plan to find my passion and pursue that... but, it's taking me a little longer than planned to get there. Plus, I like nice things and a starving artist's salary is not conducive to that (see, there are those extremes again).

4.) Martha Stewart and Bree Van De Kamp get it. Cleanliness, simplicity, symmetry, and elegance are of the utmost importance. Moreover, I love to cook and entertain and look forward to the juncture in my life when that is more commonplace. I will have killer dinner parties and my home that looks like the Pottery Barn catalog, well, except for the kitchen which will be decorated from Williams-Sonoma.

5.) I am super preppy. I grew-up in the Land of Milk & Honey, Connecticut, and believe in (in no particular order) popped collars, critters, pearls, plaid, seersucker, J.Crew, cable-knit sweaters, and then layering as many of articles of clothing as possible before leaving the house. A true prep never has less than two layers on. Now, it would be great if K would stop resisting my advances, and embraced his inner prep.

6.) I read Perez Hilton religiously. I have an insatiable thirst for celebrity gossip. Perez, TMZ, People.com comprise my favorites list. But, seriously, nothing really puts life in perspective like a trainwreck starlet.

7.) I went to Catholc School; leaving me very sheltered. Innuendo is lost on me.

8.) Nothing tastes better than the first Sam Summer of the season, unless of course it's something covered in cheese.

9.) This one's a stretch, but stay with me... I believe in a thing called LOVE. However, I am by no means a hopeless romantic. But, having met K at a frat party (yeah, I know - it's a story for the grandkids), we're living proof that love can happen anywhere... And that is why I watch trashy reality TV, especially of the dating variety. Who says drunk ex-strippers, gold diggers, and has-been musicians don't deserve love, too? I'm in no position to deny them that. Ok... so that's partly the reason, as I said before nothing puts your life in perspective like a trainwreck.

10.) I firmly believe that the economy and world will right itself in 2009 because Brit is back. America's Sweetheart is back on top... things are looking up. Trust me.

So, keep all of the above in mind, when reading my posts. It will make it all make sense. Well, maybe. Enjoy.

-C

Ka-druple Team 'Em!

Why did the Eagles lose? They failed to follow Bill Simmons' advice. How do you not go with the vaunted Ka-druple team to guard Larry Fitzgerald. What is the Ka-druple team? I'm assuming it's similar to a four on one defensive scheme, but better and pronounced with a thick accent. This four-headed monster of DBs probably would've shut down those three touchdowns, epic Jerry-Rice-record-breaking-playoff-performance and taken one the other way for six. You can hear about it in The BS Report with Aaron Schatz, Cousin Sal and Mike Lombardi about the conference championships starting at the 7:26 mark. I have read and listened to probably 98% of everything Simmons has written or recorded for ESPN.com since 2000 and found one minor pronunciation error, ha, amateur.


PS - Bill if you happen to have a vanity Google Alert, let's talk. It's just me and you here. No one reads this thing ... yet. What happened to the long form Simmons article? I know you moved to LA and you have kids and stuff now. But, what happened to the 72 greatest sports movies? What happened to Curious Guy? Do you remember when Kimmel made fun of you, questioning whether the length of one of your articles would be shorter than the Bible? Where's an essay on why LeBron is going to win the title this year? For football, all I get is a picks column and a shorter article on Tuesdays. I know your banging out podcasts, which are great, but give me a good old 5000 word Simmons rant about something. I think the best thing for you to do is to fake your back going out, bang through a bunch of NBA games, movies you've seen for the 78th time, and horrible television shows. You would be more overwhelmed with ideas than Eli was by the wind. This might do some damage to your marriage and/or your relationship with your kids, but priorities, Bill. What? Do you want me to do work at work? Nobody wants that.

-K

First. Post. Ever.

OK, first post ever. I wanted to start off by saying whoever has randomtandem.blogspot, you haven't posted since 2004, give up the address. I know words just flow from you, but the faucet has been turned off for 4 and a half years. However, the address being taken also means that I am not as clever as I thought with blog names.


Here at Random Tandem, we'll be covering sports, politics, TV (in C's case, horrid reality television), really whatever pops into our minds that might be informative or entertaining. However, be aware, our posts will not follow any kind of reason or form. In the words of Beanie from Old School, "We will give nothing back to the community."


- K