Help the Homeless

...by putting them out of their collective misery.

Behold the majesty of Poverty Eradication Day. To participate in Poverty Eradication Day, just submit $100 deposit to your local food bank/soup kitchen. You will then receive a voucher, good at the same location, to give to an ambition-challenged substance abuser. This voucher will be good for free meals at the sponsoring food bank for one year. The hope is that those giving to this altruistic event will enable many bums to rid themselves of the daily fear of where to find a meal.

BONUS: If you act now, sponsoring organizations will throw in a gun with one bullet and a job application to hand out the Metro at various T stops throughout the city of Boston. Suggested recipients for Metro applications are the alcoholics who hold the door open for you at 7-11 and CVS. Simply, give them the application and say, "See you can do essentially the same thing and get paid for it." The single chambered-round gun however is only to be used on bums not the homeless. To tell the difference, a real homeless person, probably won't ask you for change, will be past out where he fell from walking around all night looking for a place to sleep, and will have all of his Earthly possessions with him, usually in a shopping cart (for mobility). A bum will look able-bodied, recently shaven, decently dressed, and will have no sense of shame. Also, the homeless move around a lot (probably due to not actually having a home), but bums will be at the same spot all the time asking you for money. It will appear as if they have a place to sleep, food to eat, and the ability to push a broom. Please only shoot these people.

Together, will the help of our communities, we can help eradicate poverty...and finally get these motherf(&%^s to stop asking me for change. We can eradicate poverty with a meal to the stomach or a bullet to the brain. Participate in Poverty Eradication Day today!

-K (founder)