Bear Patrol

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.

Lisa: That's specious reasoning, Dad.

Homer: Thank you, dear.

Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away. [Holds up a rock]

Homer: Oh, how does it work?

Lisa: It doesn't work.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?

[Homer pauses, then pulls out some money]

Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

I got my bag checked again and I saw the MBTA Tac Unit again within two days of each other. I know they are just doing their jobs, but do they really think this makes a difference. I asked the woman who swabbed my bag, "Catch any terrorists yet?," which is, admittedly, a dick thing to say, but her response, "Tryin'." Well guess what, you never will because this crap doesn't work. I really wanted to say, "Do you think this does an f'n thing to stop terrorists?", but I wanted to get home more. You don't have to be James Bond to beat the bag check. Send one of the other guys from your cell down the stairs first. Text "Clear" or "Use Red Line side" to the bomb guy. Boom, beaten. Now, your 5-officer homeland security team looks like a bunch of goonish military vets that wanted the best benefits in the country or knew a state rep. (Wait.)

Interestingly, simplistically, and absurdly, you can beat the tac unit the same way. But wait, the tac unit is a "deterrent" to terrorism. Right. Well, to borrow from the Simpsons quote above, my work bag is a deterrent to terrorism as well. The counter argument to that is the tac unit has AR-15s and bomb-sniffing dogs and stuff that can stop terrorists. True, so if they do catch someone, the tac unit is "proven" to be effective, but no terrorist would walk into that (come on terrorists, have some pride, you're supposed to hate Western decadence so much and you walk right into a bloodhound and guns, you're supposed to be the next great video game villains, the Nazis are over 50 years old for crying out loud). Plus, you can't prove that the tac unit is NOT working. But, you also can't prove my work bag is NOT deterring terrorists because you can't prove a negative. Then, 9/11 happens, and the Spanish trains, and the London Subway, and the Indian hotels, and so on and so on. I'm sure the Tube had Transit Police. And Tac Units. What is the answer to these; more tac units? Hey, we can't catch all the terrorists. Neither can my bag.

We can't stop terrorism completely and this freaks us out. This is why we invade countries, carpet bomb capitals that have nothing to do with terrorists, can't wear shoes through security checkpoints, swab bags and have trained law enforcement officers standing around waiting for Mohammed Atta to walk up to them. If someone really wants to blow us up, they can. It sucks and you can try and prevent it, but when we all start freaking out so much that it clouds our minds, inhibits our freedoms and affects our daily lives, that is truly when the terrorists win.

"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." - Thomas Jefferson

Go arrest some vagrants, MBTA, my bag is watching.

-K