Bear Patrol

Homer: Not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.

Lisa: That's specious reasoning, Dad.

Homer: Thank you, dear.

Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away. [Holds up a rock]

Homer: Oh, how does it work?

Lisa: It doesn't work.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?

[Homer pauses, then pulls out some money]

Homer: Lisa, I want to buy your rock.

I got my bag checked again and I saw the MBTA Tac Unit again within two days of each other. I know they are just doing their jobs, but do they really think this makes a difference. I asked the woman who swabbed my bag, "Catch any terrorists yet?," which is, admittedly, a dick thing to say, but her response, "Tryin'." Well guess what, you never will because this crap doesn't work. I really wanted to say, "Do you think this does an f'n thing to stop terrorists?", but I wanted to get home more. You don't have to be James Bond to beat the bag check. Send one of the other guys from your cell down the stairs first. Text "Clear" or "Use Red Line side" to the bomb guy. Boom, beaten. Now, your 5-officer homeland security team looks like a bunch of goonish military vets that wanted the best benefits in the country or knew a state rep. (Wait.)

Interestingly, simplistically, and absurdly, you can beat the tac unit the same way. But wait, the tac unit is a "deterrent" to terrorism. Right. Well, to borrow from the Simpsons quote above, my work bag is a deterrent to terrorism as well. The counter argument to that is the tac unit has AR-15s and bomb-sniffing dogs and stuff that can stop terrorists. True, so if they do catch someone, the tac unit is "proven" to be effective, but no terrorist would walk into that (come on terrorists, have some pride, you're supposed to hate Western decadence so much and you walk right into a bloodhound and guns, you're supposed to be the next great video game villains, the Nazis are over 50 years old for crying out loud). Plus, you can't prove that the tac unit is NOT working. But, you also can't prove my work bag is NOT deterring terrorists because you can't prove a negative. Then, 9/11 happens, and the Spanish trains, and the London Subway, and the Indian hotels, and so on and so on. I'm sure the Tube had Transit Police. And Tac Units. What is the answer to these; more tac units? Hey, we can't catch all the terrorists. Neither can my bag.

We can't stop terrorism completely and this freaks us out. This is why we invade countries, carpet bomb capitals that have nothing to do with terrorists, can't wear shoes through security checkpoints, swab bags and have trained law enforcement officers standing around waiting for Mohammed Atta to walk up to them. If someone really wants to blow us up, they can. It sucks and you can try and prevent it, but when we all start freaking out so much that it clouds our minds, inhibits our freedoms and affects our daily lives, that is truly when the terrorists win.

"The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." - Thomas Jefferson

Go arrest some vagrants, MBTA, my bag is watching.

-K

Swine Flu

Millions are infected. Over 700 people have died in the United States alone. The CDC has called for the closing of schools, churches, businesses, and bars to prevent the spread of this pandemic. The Surgeon General's office has called for home testing to catch the early onset symptoms of the disease. They include nausea, vomiting, fever, and fatigue. People are streaming into hospitals around the country.

"It's everywhere. Every day there is a new case. I see it all the time," said registered nurse Sandy Duncan of Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston.

Fears are rising among families that the disease could strike repeatedly over a number of years as it mutates. It has several preventative measures of both over the counter and prescription strength, yet the disease has still found a way to spread.

"People are just not educated enough on the subject," said local Health teacher Jordon Grevis. "Young people especially need to worry about this disease because it can spread quickly when large groups congregate together frequently."

Religious groups are offering their support through the ordeal. Churches have set up counseling programs to help people afflicted with the disease and to support the families involved. Congress, also recently, is looking into funding prevention medicines and education on the matter. Forty five billion has already been spent this fiscal year on emergency legislation that was rushed through Congress. So far, there has been no progress and people are wondering where the money has gone.

"Do something, do something, people are scared and don't know what to do or who to turn to," local community leader Jamal Chamberly exclaimed to officials present at a quarantine hearing.

Opinions are galvanized on the matter across the country. The disease needs to stop.

You've been hearing a lot of stories like this in the past months. More and more people affected not only in the United States, but globally. But, you actually haven't heard this story because I made it up. The disease is pregnancy. According to the CDC's data for 2006 (Table 10), 760 women have died due to pregnancy in the United States. Swine Flu has killed 700 people in the world. So being pregnant is more dangerous than the F'N Swine Flu. So, can we all chill with the surgical masks and non-stop pumping on the Purell bottle. Humans are terrible assessors of risk as witnessed by the irrational behavior associated with Bird Flu, Mad Cow disease, Foot and Mouth disease, West Nile virus, SARS, African Killer Bees, subprime mortgages, Iraq, domestic automobile industries, hoping people will listen to reason, etc. Enough with the Swine Flu.

-K

Bag Check

The Transit Police were doing random bag searches at Downtown Crossing Friday. They seem like nice enough guys. But, I think if I made over $100,000 working for a bloated, debt-laden, too-big-to-fail "independent" Transportation Board, I'd be pretty happy too. Anyway, I have had to have my bag checked twice. They take a swab, wipe it down the side of your bag and put it in a GE portable gas chromatograph, which probably cost 80 grand (you have to love the T's dedication to fiscal responsibility and knee-jerk terrorism responses). My question is: Does this really do anything?


The answer is no. If I was a terrorist, I could blow up the T if I really wanted to. These random screenings will do nothing. Your anti-terrorism plan has flaws if it could be thwarted by taking the Orange line instead of the Red line. You don't need to be a terrorist to want to blow up the T either. All you have to do is watch 3 full Red line trains pull in to Downtown Crossing before giving up and walking to South Station to get a cab to take you to where the 20 minute T ride was supposed to for a fraction of the cost. Or ride the Green line once. Seriously MBTA, I'm sure the Red Sox would supply with a schedule of their home games. On those home games, many people use the Park St. station to take the Green line to Fenway. To get there on time for say a 7:00 game, people start getting on the T at 5:30, coinciding with the rush hour commute of three quarters of the city. Maybe a two street car C line every 10 minutes is not going to cut it.

What the hell do the Transit Police do anyway? I saw two of them take a bum off of the T once, but that is about it. Most of the violence on the T, occurs you know, on the T. So, why are the Transit Police always above ground. Maybe if you pared down on the Beruit level tactical unit, you could prevent the once a month robberies and twice a year shootings on the Orange line. Or, at least tell the guy who lit up the incense on the T that one time to put it out.

In essence, the Transit Police are engaging in what some security experts call "security theater". Everyone has a knee jerk reaction to big shocking events and then they say, "do something" to government because they feel helpless. So, the MBTA Police, goes "OK, fine, we'll buy this $80,000 machine, so you feel safe," even though it does nothing. You play along because it only takes 10 seconds and that machine sure looks like a expensive terrorism catcher. You could make a civil liberties, 4th amendment argument, if you really wanted to be a dick about it. Meanwhile, the reason you might have to pay yet another fare hike is because this Transit cop didn't score high enough on the Sergeant's test for the BPD, so he took this job and some bureaucrat thought it was a good idea to guarantee him 100% of his salary in a pension payment for the rest of his life. The Transit cops do seem like good, decent people, but you want me to pay the second fare hike in 5 years after 30 years of zero fare hikes (exaggerated) for no increase in service because the MBTA can't cover you ludicrous benefits package. Um, NO.

It's not just the Transit cops either. Why do you think every T is driven by a person who they would decline at McDonald's? Benefits. Pensions. Unions. I could keep going on the T because I take this physical representation of horrible government monopolism (might not be a word) everyday. But, hey, if you want to keep going on with this farce instead of doing stuff that would fix actual problems, then go ahead, check my bag. I need to get home.

-K