Viva la Revolucion!

Greek "anarchists" took to the streets to protest the austerity plans of the Greek government has in order to secure more aid from the rest of the Euro zone. First off, that's a balls move calling yourself anarchists when your argument is essentially that you want more government. "I want Greece to return to its quasi-socialist state!" Boom, rock through a McDonald's window. That makes sense. Moltov Cocktail at the police because you can't retire with a full pension at 45?!? Also, technically if you are fighting the cops, aren't you fighting the same people whom you want benefits to be restored to? All of these "anarchists" are full of crap anyway. You're nineteen, you will use any excuse to flip a car over. That's why there are parking bans and police in the city that wins a championship all the time. You're not an anarchist, you're just an asshole who now has the luxury of mob rule to cause mayhem. You know these people, they riot at World Bank meetings, start sentences with "It's these corporations", and think most people in power actively work to destroy the rest of the world. They don't have any real convictions. They just like the yelling and sticking it to the man. The mission is filled in the [Insert Cause Here] line after the protest has been organized.

And Greece, seriously, what do you want the government to do, default? You still won't get more money. Your train company's payroll is four times bigger than sales. (The frugal MBTA's is only 1 to 1). Half of the population can't work for the government. The government doesn't make money. Other people have to give the government money for it to work. Yeah, everyone would love to retire and party on Mykonos all day. But, you can't have the government slopping bonuses and pensions around like they just hit Powerball and expect that to last. And to think, all this time, you thought you were helping your people out. Now what? They hate you because you were so generous. HA. I relish this type of stuff though. Greece spent and owes too much money, but the rest of the Europe (Germany) won't give them more unless they stop spending so much, only the people they spent it on don't want that. Show down! Real actual consequences.

...But, I do want a football season though.

-K

On Winning

As Charlie Sheen, now famously, stated in his 20/20 interview: I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?

No, Charlie, it is never too much. I cannot get enough of the Sheen.

I know this is not a timely post, but I wanted to soak in all of the Sheen. So, the following quotes are from multiple interviews including the original Alex Jones radio interview, the Good Morning America interview, the 20/20 interview, the Howard Stern interview, and the Piers Morgan interview where after being asked so many times, he just carried his drug test results around with him.

Ostensibly, Sheen’s interviews were about his crusade against CBS and starting his show back up. However, the interviews often delightfully turned into a commentary on Sheen, the man. Charlie was more than willing to fill the audience in on who, exactly it is, you are dealing with. He commented on everything from birth to fatherhood to self to non-sequitors. Some experts claimed it was a sign of psychosis, more like a glimpse at the Gods.

“I got Tiger Blood man.”
“I am a peaceful man with bad intentions.”
“You’re dealing with a Vatican Assassin.”
“I'm Battle-Tested Bayonets.”
“Hey kids, your dad is a rock star. Look at his life. Look at his experiences...”
“They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. He signs all the checks on the front and not the back. We need his wisdom and his bitchin'ness.”
“I'm magic, I got poetry in my fingertips, ya know, most of the time, and this includes naps, I'm a...I'm an F-18 bro. I will destroy you in the air and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.”
“I'm proud of what I created... I expose people to magic, I expose them to something they're never otherwise going to see in their boring, normal lives and I gave that to them.”
“This voice emerged. I'm alive, bring it.” (what he said after he was born)
“Dude, can't handle it, unplug this bastard...It fires in a way that's not from this terrestrial realm.” (someone else using his brain)
“Newsflash, I am special and I will never be one of you. There it is.”

The line of questions often turned to the people in his crosshairs. But, it could be the crosshairs of hate or love. You see, Sheen has a policy to love and hate violently. Sticking to his mantra, Sheen let everyone know who, exactly, he is dealing with.

“Look at what I'm dealing with, I'm dealing with fools and trolls.”
“Look at these sad trolls. And they take their word over mine?!? It's silly, come on, it's silly.”
“They are soft targets in cheap suits.”
“If he's a business man, then make some good business moves like celebrating me everyday.”

“The Goddesses? The Goddesses, Alex. I don't think the term is good enough, but when you are bound by these terrestrial descriptions you must choose the best available, right?”
“To sully, to contaminate, to...to radically disrespect this unit with a shameful contract is something I will leave to the amateurs and the bible grippers.”
“I'm going to hang out with these two sssmoooookin' hotties and fly privately around the world. You know it might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view Alex.”
“A giant marquee name comes through on your caller ID and it's like, winning.”

Of course everyone wanted to know about his lifestyle. Sheen responded openly and unapologetically to the amusement of some and to the Lilly-white sheltered faux-horror of others. Charlie mixed pride, bemusement, and calm acknowledgement when talking about how he gets down.

“I don't know, I was banging 7 gram rocks and finishing them, because I have one speed, I have one gear, go!”
“The run I was on makes Sinatra, Flynn, Jager, Richards, all of 'em just look like, you know, droopy-eyed armless children.”
“-But, you love to party.
What's not to love, I mean the run I was on was epic…”
“There are certain blends that I don't entertain because that's how guys go down...but, you should've read the directions before you showed up at the party.”
“-People say you have an affinity for porn stars.
Well look at what they do, look at what I do, duh.”
“I'm going to hang out with these two sssmoooookin' hotties and fly privately around the world. You know it might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view Alex.”
“We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary.” (Him and the Goddesses)
“[I’m] just a guy that loves the idea, the reality of variety.”
“Once I exercise, I get my Tiger blood boiling and then it's on Howard.”
“-What does it mean you have Tiger Blood?
It's a metaphor for having absolute rocket fuel in my veins when it comes to getting focused and delivering things in a way that just don't exist in a sense of the norm.”
“[A woman involved in a prior police call] lifted a pair of pants off of the scale one day and had a tiny little revolver in the pocket and it fell on the floor and shot through the toilet.”

God, overreaction

The interviews eventually got around to whole ruse of the interview, his war with Chuck Levine, creator of Two and a Half Men. Tired of turning the writer’s tin cans into gold – and after repeated life planning sessions through repeated Apocalypse Now viewings – Charlie let us have a glimpse at his war style.

“It was like, ‘You must let me impose my will all over your face.’” (on Chuck Levine)
“My fire back was a 2000 pound bomb that was laser-guided.”
“Check it Alex, I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his unevolved mind can't process.”
“Well, you've been warned dude, bring it.”
“I don't live in the middle, that's where you get slaughtered, that's where you get embarrassed in front of the prom queen.”
“-What's the future for Charlie Sheen?

Uh, just winning, everyday, defeat not an option.”
“I don't sleep, I wait.”

AA, well, Sheen doesn’t believe in it to say the least.

“This bootleg cult arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous sports a 5% success rate. My success rate is 100%, do the math! Take for instance its founder, a desperate and broken-down plagiarist who stayed high on acid until the day he died. I can't seem to find that chapter in his silly book of lies.”
“In 22 years, the only winners I could locate in their toothless warren were either driving a convertible van or living like trolls under some abandoned bridge.”
“I have a disease? Bullshit, I cured myself with my brain, with my mind.”
“I have cleansed myself. I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself from this ridiculous model of disease, addiction, and obsession. It's just the work of sissies. The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.”
“I'm sober down to my Adonis DNA.”

Many of the hosts were full of inane questions regarding Sheen’s mental state and past. Charlie dismissed them as if they were rhetorical with his laser-guided missile of winning tru—(I can’t keep up with his craziness).

“-Are there any drugs in this house?
If there are, you better find them and give them to me immediately.”
“You already know what they do.
-Because you've watched them (porn stars)?
No, because I'm guessing right.”
“-Some are saying you are bi-polar.
Wow, then what? What's the cure, medicine, to make me like them? Not gonna happen. I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning, I win here and I win there. Now what?”
“-What will your tombstone say?
I don't know, something dot com.”
“-Do you own guns?
No, not anymore, they took them all away.”
“-Why would someone do that to you? (go to the press)
I don't know; retarded zombie.”
“-How was that? (a porn conquest)
I don't know, I was loaded dude.”
“-When is the last time you used?
I use a blender, I use a vacuum cleaner. When is the last time I took or ingested drugs? ... I do not remember. A couple of days before the suits rolled in and said change it, change everything, we are shutting you down.”

Charlie was full of theories on life, some transcendent, some crazy, acid-dream-fueled. Either way, you had to listen to what the Sheen had to say about the attitudes of humanity.

“Oh shame, uhps, move on. What are you going to do change it?”
“'You gotta to work through your resentments.' Yeah, no, I'm going to hang on to them and they are going to fuel my attack. And they are going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers 'cause they're all around you. Anyway, thought you were just messing with one dude, sorry. Winning.”
“Women are not to be hit, they are to be hugged and caressed.”
“(on Denise Richards) She's a complete stone cold hammer.”
“If can walk back to your past when your father locked you in the closet, bring me back a souvenir. Bring me back the ashtray from his office with the burning Swisher Sweet in it.”
“Hope is for suckers and fools.”
“Can't is the cancer of happen.”
“(On death) It's the greatest trip 'cause they save it for last. Ya know, deep.”

Charlie Sheen came off like a drug-addled lunatic who bathed in boiling water everyday during his interviews. (Seriously, how red and raw can his skin get.) But, maybe we are the crazy ones. Maybe we were witnessing cortexs of the brain being used to their full potential for the first time. I mean, in his more lucid moments, he did adhere to a moral code of getting his crew paid and make sense of his legal battle. At times, he seemed to be a master strategist, a statesman even...

“-You sound like Thomas Jefferson.
Well, I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”

@CharlieSheen: Fastball; this just in, Thomas Jefferson comes forward to sheepishly admit, “Sheen’s right. I am a pussy.” C

Nah, maybe he’s just high.

-K

So Much for Fiscal Responsibility

Stephen Crowley/New York Times

The House of Representatives is getting ready for a dogfight. They are going to cut $100 billion dollars from the budget this year. That shouldn't be too hard since Congress authorized a $110 billion dollar auto bailout and spent $109.5 billion dollars on something called the Term Auction Facility that bought up banks (now pretty much worthless) mortgage-backed securities. Nope, it's going to be near impossible.

Why? Because when you keep giving people more and more money they get used to having it. So, when you try to take it away from them, they get mad and feel it's owed to them and will fight you to the death. They feel like it was their money all along and you are trying to rob them. It's pretty basic human psychology that Congress never seems to grasp. That and you don't spend other people's money, especially if its giant sums, like you would spend your own.

But, besides Congress' unreasoned thinking, they are going to try and cut the $100 billion dollars out of non-security discretionary spending. Which is the equivalent to implementing a salary cap in the NBA, but only on head coaches. Let's see, Medicare/Medicaid, Social Security, and the military account for 60% of the budget. Let's exclude that and apply the cut to the departments that probably shouldn't exist anyway, but will reactively (in a purely innate survival instinct kind of way) cause a huge stir should their money get touched. Why not bring everybody home from Afghanistan and Iraq? That was costing $100 billion a month last time I checked.

Unless, you touch the stuff that actually affects the systemic fiscal instability of the United States, Congress, you are not serious. This is the same arguing-for-show that people who actually believe in this stuff hate. If you are going to "do something about the spending" then ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING.

Eternally frustrated,

-K

Cut the Deficit, Just Not Anything That Causes the Deficit

I saw this graph attached to this article and immediately wanted to explode in rage. Apparently, people think the deficit is a problem that needs to be addressed either now or in the near future. (Yes, agree!) But, when given specifics with how to cut the deficit, most people don't want to touch anything that would actually do that. (Aaahhhh!) The two things that got a majority of support had to do with evil rich people or federal workers. My guess is that most people polled did not fall into those two groups therefore were able to agree with statements that would not affect them. That seemed to follow the theme of the poll. Yeah, cut the budget, but nothing that affects my life.

Listen people, Medicare/Medicaid, Social Security, and Defense are a large majority of the budget; two of those have their own tax. If you are not ready to touch those three things then you are not serious about cutting the budget. This why most of the Tea Party people are full of crap. Yeah, it's nice to say you're a fiscal conservative, I'm one, but if your not ready to privatize Social Security, use vouchers for Medicare, and dial down the Pentagon, you are not a budget hawk. America has 11 aircraft carriers in service. Do you know how many the country with the second most has? Two (UK and Italy). We are currently building three. Maybe we don't need a new $15 billion dollar aircraft carrier every four years since we have the only blue water navy in the world capable of projecting and sustaining its force. You know, stuff like that. Plus, terrorists don't have navies (or jet fighters).

Nobody wants real change, they want a nice speech that blames other people for their problems. I am probably going to scream about this until I die with nothing to show for it. America is finished. Buy gold bars and call it a life.

-K

E-mail to J.Crew

To Whom It May Concern:

First and foremost, I would like to preface this email by letting you know that I am very loyal J.Crew shopper. I have yet to find another store that provides such classic, yet still on-trend, well-fitting clothing that can be worn both at work and at play. Seriously, could there be a more versatile cardigan than the Jackie?!

That being said, I'm writing to you today to express my displeasure and disappointment with the utter state of disarray of the models on JCrew.com. When did Jenny Humphrey from Gossip Girl start moonlighting as one of your stylists? I get that you want to establish that your brand isn't just for WASPs from Greenwich, and hey, I'm all for diversifying your demographic! I guess what I am trying to say is, how am I supposed to know if the Taffeta Marvelle Mini (item # 32465) is the perfect addition to my holiday party ensemble when it looks like the model had far too much to drink at the Office Xmas Party the night before, had a one-night rendezvous with Chris from Accounting, and then tried to wear it to work the next day!? That obviously is not the look I'm trying to achieve. Seriously, though, she looks downright slovenly... I'm willing to overlook the unkempt hair and the heroin chic makeup if the models at least stood up straight so I could get an idea of how something fits.

I appreciate your consideration on the matter and look forward to seeing the models looking more "polished" in the future.

Best Wishes,

C

J. Crew gave this f-- off response:

Thanks for reaching out - really appreciate you taking the time to share
your thoughts with us. Will absolutely pass along to the appropriate
team.

Feel free to contact anytime - always available.

Best,
-----

I Want A Coffee

How hard is it to keep a coffee machine stocked?

On the great show Modern Marvels on the History Channel, they showed one of Home Depot's supply centers. It is the size of a one-cop town in the midwest. They execute a just-in-time inventory system. There are trailer loads full of 5/8ths washers, joyce hangers, and washing machines; nothing stays in the warehouse for more than 25 minutes. BUT, I can't get cups, stirrers, creamers and sugars in the same kitchenette at the same f'n time! Seriously, why do all the ingredients to make a cup of coffee come in haphazardly like we're in Bastogne surrounded by Nazis (watch Band of Brothers). This may seem trivial, but it screws up my whole day because now I have to plan a clandestine raid on other kitchenettes as opposed to doing work. Then, when we do get supplies, I have to hoard them like I'm some crazy white shut-in whose sister's death he can't get over so he lives among 8 years of garbage and 7 feral cats. Just keep the coffee supplies readily at hand, so I don't have to celebrate like Captain Planet was summoned every time I want a cup.

Who is the person ordering the flavors also? Do we need 4 rows of house blend? Multiple Columbia and Hazelnut? Yeah, that stuff goes, but give me one drawer of something cool. I mean I work in financial services so every other person is Asian. But, of course we only have two drawers of Green Tea which fly threw inventory to the point where people are clawing at the display case packet. Mix it up and know your demo Admin-who-orders-this-stuff!

-K

C Mailbag

I asked C, "Is this the most pretenious Yelp review ever?"

Timothy M.

Boston, MA

Ok. So I had heard about the charm about Carmen and it's romantic atmosphere in this tiny N. End dining spot. I read Melanie's review as well the others and looked up the Phantom Gourmet's review (which was surprisingly good) but I decided I will give it a try and form my own opinion. I made a reservation as they suggested, since the restaurant fills up fast especially on a Saturday night. The staff was friendly, although you this should be an expectation from everyone where you go and spend your hard earned money. The atmosphere was indeed charming. The dining room was tiny and crammed with small tables. Yet there were many candles giving it a more romantic like atmosphere (although I would not give Carmen the award for romance.) The food - the reason why most of us go out - was disappointing. To say it may be the best restaurant in Boston tells me that many readers hardly ever or never go out and if they do, they don't know what good food is. The truth is the food at Carmen was average or mediocre at best. It might have been better than a Vinny Testa's or Maggiano's but if so it would be a close race. You simply cannot say the food was good when you have other places of comparison such as The White Barn Inn in ME exists (BTW a PG 97 rating http://preview.tinyurl...
Per Se in NYC setting a world wide standard - http://perseny.com/ or French Laundry - http://www.frenchlaund.../ and closer to home restarurants like Clio & Mistral (with only 90 PG ratings BTW.) Before you can comment that the food might be the best ever, you have to first understand the rules. The rules are you must rate experiences on the full range, not in a vacuum. Carmen has not won national or international awards of excellence and it never will. There are good restaurants, great ones, excellent ones and then the very few standing on the top of the pyramid. Those few that do are like the great quarterbacks and athletes of our time. They simply are not that many relative to the population. The simple fact is the food here is what you would expect from the N. End - it was very average. You don't go somewhere and pay north of $25/$30 for a dish an expect mediocracy. You should instead expect excellence. Not here. If you want to try good food then instead of eating out twice or three times wait and save up your money for one of the places above and only then will you experience what true culinary talent can bring to your palete. Sorry Carmen but you are just like alot of other folks- very, very average.

Her response:
I feel like I should write to Tim and be like, honestly pal, great that you threw out two of Tom Keller's retaurants promptly after his new book was published and the James Beard Contenders just came out, but seriously, have you eaten at either of his restaurants???

Also, given his logic, contextually, shouldn't you rate restaurants on their demographic? For example, I loved the wings at the chicken bone, and would've given it 3 stars in that it was a good, convenient wing & beer place and it surpassed my expectations as such. I wouldn't put it up against Mario Batali's restarant in NYC (which PS I have eaten at) or even Strega or any one of Todd English's restaurants because they aren't comparable in their offerings...

I want to go toe-to-toe with Tim. What a dink!

Also, Tim spelt palate wrong. What a tool. I hate him.

She also had some Matt Lauer thoughts/panic attacks:

Matt Lauer cheated on his wife?!? I am more upset hearing this right now than I was over the following (in no particular order):

1.) My bday party invitations being backordered, and subsequently disco’d by the mfr

2.) Big Papi admitted juicing

3.) Tiger Woods train of beautiful, upstanding mistresses

4.) Jesse James cheating on Sandra Bullock. SANDRA BULLOCK!

5.) Britney Spears circa 2007

6.) Jason Varitek getting divorced due to infidelity

7.) Lindsey Lohan’s downward spiral post-mean girls

8.) The package store being closed by time I got home on Monday night

9.) John Mayer’s recent playboy interview

10.) That time you tricked me into watch the NFL draft.

If Matt Lauer (MATT LAUER!) and his hot wife can’t make it work, what are we doing?

...But it’s matt lauer! He isn’t famous really either. He’s supposed to be the all-american everyman! How could he do this?

-K